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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.