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FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.