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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.