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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!