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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.