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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Please do not read this.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Your things are terrific.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second