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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
i only drink on days that end with y
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.