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Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.