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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.