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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I just awesomed all over the place.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it