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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.