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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.