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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
My life is a very complicated drinking game
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.