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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."