Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
I think, therefore i`m single.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.