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"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Not so great minds also think alike.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.