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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.