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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.