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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
The covers of this book are too far apart.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.