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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Attention fuels immaturity
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.