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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.