Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!