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I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Hard butter is the devil.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.