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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you