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I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
hilarious
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.