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I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Does running out of money count as exercise?