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Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.