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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.