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Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.