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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.