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Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
I fake my lol`s