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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Marriage is for quitters
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...