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A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.