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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.