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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.