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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...