Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
Iām shy at first, but once Iām comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.