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Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.