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Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.