Daily Silly Status

I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!

At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I’m forty. I have one.

It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.

Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"

Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.

My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.

You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"

I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.

My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.

I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.

When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.

I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.

My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.