Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.