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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?