Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.