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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.