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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.