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When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!