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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.