Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"