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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
This status has been censored by Facebook
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.