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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
Not so great minds also think alike.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
There is no time to check time
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "