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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.