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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.