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Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
take me drunk i`m home
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.