Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.