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There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.