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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.