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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.